1 00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:12,920 [upbeat music playing] 2 00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:19,560 - Fucking hell, lift it your end. - I am lifting my end, Erin. 3 00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:22,200 - Well, lift it higher, Tommo. - We're different heights, Erin! 4 00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:24,080 So obviously it's gonna slant down 5 00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:27,480 on account of my being… diminutive. 6 00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:29,160 - Diminutive? - Yes, Erin. 7 00:00:29,240 --> 00:00:32,400 Yeah, it means short. I'm expanding my vocabulary. 8 00:00:32,479 --> 00:00:33,880 I learn five new words every day. 9 00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:36,160 It's all part of my personal embetterment programme. 10 00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:37,960 Oh, yeah? What have you learnt today, then? 11 00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:42,480 Well, er, let me see, "malevolent, jingoistic and stoicism". 12 00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:45,520 Oh, that's gonna come in handy in your mobile sex dungeon, innit? 13 00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:46,920 Hey, sweetheart. Sweetheart. 14 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:50,280 It is an erotic parlour, right, and if you hadn't got into bed, 15 00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:52,160 figuratively, with Terence McCann, 16 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:54,080 then we'd still be running this fucking place 17 00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:56,440 instead of selling off our assets to Chinese fucking Dan. 18 00:00:56,520 --> 00:01:00,320 Righto. Are we ready to "Rock the Casbah" 'ere, or what? 19 00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:02,520 Hey, what's… what's up? 20 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:06,760 Tommo being capricious. Yeah. Look it up. 21 00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:08,400 ["Money (That's What I Want)" playing] 22 00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:10,560 ♪ The best things in life are free ♪ 23 00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:13,360 ♪ But you can give them To the birds and bees ♪ 24 00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:16,560 - ♪ I need money ♪ - ♪ That's what I want ♪ 25 00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:20,680 - ♪ That's what I want ♪ - ♪ That's what I want… ♪ 26 00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:25,440 It's unloved, it's tatty. Where'd you lift it from? 27 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:26,640 Yates' Wine Lodge? 28 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:29,200 We've not lifted it from anywhere. It's from our club, this. 29 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:31,080 - The Rat and Cutter. - I've been there before. 30 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:33,080 Have you, Calvin? What a surprise. 31 00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:34,960 Wouldn't mind seeing you there. 32 00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:37,080 - In't that a crying shame… - It were McCann. 33 00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:39,600 He funded the licence and the lease on the bloody thing. 34 00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:43,120 Now he's banged up, and the council won't renew the contract. 35 00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:45,040 - What did they say it was… - Magnet for crime. 36 00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:46,360 And debauchery. 37 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,760 - Whose is this van? - M-mine, why? 38 00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:51,760 - Are you a dog walker? - Yeah. It's m-my new business. 39 00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:55,200 - How much do you charge? - Well, it's, er, b-by the hour. 40 00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:58,120 Unless it's all day, then it's a day rate. 41 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:00,320 Why are you even fucking asking? 42 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:04,840 Honestly I've been here a thousand times, not once have I seen a bloody dog. 43 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:08,440 Well, that's where you're wrong. Calvin, fetch the mutt. 44 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:10,960 - [slap] - Oi! 45 00:02:11,039 --> 00:02:12,280 Say hello to Arson Fire. 46 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:13,800 ["Money" playing] 47 00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:15,960 The worst investment I have ever made. 48 00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:18,880 - How long have you had him for? - Got involved in a syndicate. 49 00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:21,520 Group of blokes said he were a money-making machine. 50 00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:26,360 Won a couple of races. 51 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:30,920 I think I have a winner. 52 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:36,000 And then one day, for no apparent reason, 53 00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:38,640 the stupid dog stopped trying. 54 00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:40,360 [bell rings, cheering] 55 00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:46,120 - No! - [song ends] 56 00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:48,120 We tried everything, 57 00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:50,280 even the elastic band around the balls thing, but… 58 00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:51,680 - [dog whimpers] - I've done that. 59 00:02:51,720 --> 00:02:52,720 Just weren't interested. 60 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:55,320 I wanted to take it down to the knackers yard, but my wife, 61 00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:56,400 she weren't having it. 62 00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:58,600 [hesitates] Hang the fuck on. 63 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:02,120 Wife? What do you mean, "wife"? You've got a wife? 64 00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:05,880 Course I've got a wife. Shanata. She's Thai. 65 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:06,800 Oh? 66 00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:09,160 Pull that look off your face as well, I didn't buy her. 67 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:11,240 I met her in a SpudULike in Northampton. 68 00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:13,240 - What were you having? - Cottage cheese, chives. 69 00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:16,880 Honestly, a bit of a dark horse, really, deep down, aren't you. 70 00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:19,840 Wives and dogs. Go on, what did she say? 71 00:03:19,920 --> 00:03:21,520 She said I had to keep the stupid mutt. 72 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:23,560 - Oh, he's a gorgeous dog. - Do you want it? 73 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:26,040 - What? To keep? - On a long-term loan. 74 00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:28,640 Just the worlds' worst man. 75 00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:31,040 Look, he's a fucking dog walker, in't he? 76 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:32,840 Either give him the fucking dog, or don't. 77 00:03:32,920 --> 00:03:36,000 - That's a thoroughbred greyhound. - I don't give a shit what it is. 78 00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:37,320 It's given up, bless it. 79 00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:39,040 All right. 80 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:42,760 You take the stupid dog and I'll buy all your crappy club gear. 81 00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:46,400 Right, listen! I don't want you taking the fucking piss on this gear. 82 00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:47,840 I want some decent dollar. 83 00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:50,720 That hurts, Vincent. Just name your price, son. 84 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:52,080 Ten grand. 85 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:55,240 I'll give you five and that's me going out on a limb. 86 00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:56,600 Fuck. 87 00:03:57,960 --> 00:03:59,960 You're joking me, where's it going to live? 88 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,320 - With us. - In the flat? Are you fucking serious? 89 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:05,160 Is it not bad enough with the pigeon and the pigeon paraphernalia? 90 00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:07,400 Now we have a greyhound. They're stinking, Cardi. 91 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:09,760 They have bad breath and weeping glands. 92 00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:13,400 I'm not sticking my finger up his hole to unblock the glands. 93 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:16,079 Eugh. Fucking visuals on that. Look at this. 94 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:18,200 Look what's happening here, a connection. 95 00:04:18,279 --> 00:04:19,560 He fucking loves the dog. 96 00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:22,000 The dog seems to like him. They're having fun. 97 00:04:22,079 --> 00:04:24,440 I reckon that dog'll still race if you wanted it to. 98 00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:25,760 - How do you mean? - Look at it. 99 00:04:25,840 --> 00:04:29,000 It's still young and like Dan said, it used to win. 100 00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:31,480 But then, crucially, it stopped. 101 00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:34,480 It's all about how you train them, right. 102 00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:36,680 Listen, I know you all think our Ronnie is a knobhead. 103 00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:38,400 - Absolutely. - Oh, fuck me. 104 00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:42,320 I agree, but he trained greyhounds down at the track 105 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:44,040 with a guy called Wayne Carr. 106 00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:46,200 - [laughs] - What? 107 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:49,240 Wayne Carr. Wanker. 108 00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:53,120 - Nope, nothing like it. - Wayne Carr. Wanker 109 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:54,240 - Give over. - That's good. 110 00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:55,800 It's no Ben Dover is it? 111 00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:58,360 Hmm, exactly. I used to know a bloke called Warren Peace. 112 00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:00,160 My next door neighbour Ray Cyst. 113 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:01,640 - I mean, there you go. - [laughter] 114 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:02,520 Hang on a minute. 115 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:05,200 Just stop, stop with the inappropriate names, just for a minute. 116 00:05:05,280 --> 00:05:06,960 Do you think that bugger's still got legs? 117 00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:08,400 Get a winning dog, win thousands. 118 00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:10,680 Yeah, I'm not sure I want him racing, Vin. 119 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:12,240 You know, he's my pet now and he's... 120 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:14,080 A shagging greyhound, is what he is. 121 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:15,960 Fuck, they love to race, Cardi. 122 00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:18,080 - Can you get hold of this Wayne Carr? - [laughs] 123 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:19,520 Oh, fuck. 124 00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:22,280 Don't see why not, he works at the track as a groundsman, 125 00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:24,240 but I must warn you, he's a bit of a weirdo. 126 00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:26,480 He calls himself The Dog Whisperer. 127 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,120 This dog's a beauty. 128 00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:30,480 What you calling him? 129 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:31,720 - Martin. - Arson Fire. 130 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:33,960 - Dude, you can't call him Martin. - Why not? 131 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:35,320 Because it doesn't sound fast. 132 00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:37,080 It sounds like a fucking accountant's name. 133 00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:38,000 It does. 134 00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:39,520 Obviously, he's a strong dog, 135 00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:41,400 but I'm guessing he hasn't raced in a while. 136 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:43,400 - That's right. - [all] Mmm-hmm. 137 00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:44,640 He were all right at first. 138 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,080 - Mmm? - Mmm. Mmm. 139 00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:49,600 - Yeah, yeah. Mmm. - Mmm. Yeah, he was… 140 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:51,760 [dog whimpering] 141 00:05:51,840 --> 00:05:54,680 He was fast at… He was winning races and then he was just fucking… 142 00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:55,760 Mmm. 143 00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:58,160 He lost interest. Fuck it, whatever. 144 00:05:58,240 --> 00:05:59,440 That was with his old owner. 145 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:01,600 We want to bring him back to his former glory. 146 00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:03,280 Mmm. [grunts] 147 00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:04,600 - What do you reckon? - Reckon? 148 00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:07,360 Yeah. Like… do what you did with our Ronnie? 149 00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:09,880 - How do you mean? - The whispering thing? Whispering… 150 00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:12,120 [Wayne] No, no, no, Erin. No, no, no, no. 151 00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:14,640 That's all in the past now. That's strictly verboten. Mmm. 152 00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:15,840 Means frowned upon. 153 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:18,000 It is, it's frowned upon in the racing community. 154 00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:20,960 Say's it gives like an unfair advantage, it's like… Mmm. 155 00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:22,480 It's like… Mmm, it's like magic. 156 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:24,160 - Surely we can tempt you. - Eh? 157 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:28,160 Jesus Christ. How much do you want, sweetheart? 158 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:29,560 It's not about money, is it? 159 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:31,880 - It's about morality, honour and all that. - Fifty quid. 160 00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:33,920 - Hundred. - Thought it wasn't a question of money. 161 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:34,840 It isn't. 162 00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:37,720 Hundred quid to whisper in a dog's ear, yeah? 163 00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:40,000 We had some big success back in the day, me and Ronnie. 164 00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:41,960 - Mmm. - Mmm. Big success… 165 00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:45,400 before he bound me in the back of his Austin Maxi 166 00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:48,440 - and stole all the winnings. - [panicked yelling] 167 00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:50,920 ["In the Hall of the Mountain King" playing] 168 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,760 Come on, come on. 169 00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:53,840 Here. 170 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:57,480 And off he goes. To have a conflab with a fucking dog. 171 00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:04,920 [hushed] Ajo! 172 00:07:08,280 --> 00:07:10,720 - Done it? - Oh, yeah. He understands. 173 00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:12,600 - So… it'll race now? - No. No. No. 174 00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:15,320 You still got to train it, fashion a hare out of his old clothes 175 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:17,440 and just drag it really fast, get him to chase it. 176 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,440 Where's my money? Mmm! M-Money? 177 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:22,880 Hundred quid, yeah? D'you not wanna check it? 178 00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:25,640 Cheers. No, you're all right. Ey. 179 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:29,280 - Come on, then. - [Cardi] You all right, Carol? 180 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:31,320 [laughs] Mmm! 181 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:33,480 I thought we agreed on the way back from Wales 182 00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:36,600 that you wouldn't be getting involved in any of my silly schemes any more. 183 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:39,800 Vin, it's dog training, it's not exactly McCann territory, is it? 184 00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:41,520 I know, but you had a thing, didn't you? 185 00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:43,720 - Epiphany? Mmm. - Epiphany. 186 00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:47,360 Right, well, the plans are in place. Shall I show you? 187 00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:49,720 [laughter] 188 00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:52,560 Me and our Ronnie used to come here, when we were little. 189 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:56,200 This place really means a lot to me, but it's struggling. 190 00:07:57,320 --> 00:08:00,480 You know, I've offered to help, but it's the funding. 191 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:04,960 They need better facilities and, well, better everything, really. 192 00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:06,240 Look at it. 193 00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:10,280 Christ, that game's shite, innit. I'll help you, love. 194 00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:12,760 Not if it means you getting involved with those scary men. 195 00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:14,440 - No, I won't... - Anything like that. 196 00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:17,840 Don't worry about me. I promise. I promise I won't. 197 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:19,560 Thank you. 198 00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:25,000 Don't run away with Tyler again, Erin. 199 00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:30,120 I thought you were gone for good, you know. 200 00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:33,840 I know. 201 00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:37,360 I'm sorry. 202 00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:53,280 - What do you think? - What's happened there? 203 00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:54,960 I mean, is he even gonna chase that? 204 00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:57,400 He seems to like it, he's been sniffing at it. 205 00:08:57,480 --> 00:08:58,840 That's 'cause you never washed it. 206 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:00,840 Well, there's only one way to find out. 207 00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:05,280 Now, Vinnie, we want to make sure that we're far enough away 208 00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:08,080 - before you let go of Arson Fire. - Martin! 209 00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:11,120 Don't call him Martin, dude. He sounds like a librarian. 210 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:12,200 You ready? 211 00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:13,560 - Yeah. - [phone rings] 212 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:16,200 Are you ready? 213 00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:18,880 - Yeah, yeah. - Okay, let's go. 214 00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:20,320 [engine revs] 215 00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:22,440 ["Reptilia" playing] 216 00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:29,000 [screams] Go on! Go on! 217 00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:31,800 - Ah! Fucking hell. - Oh, my God! 218 00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:34,400 - How fast? - 40, 42… 219 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,040 He is incredible. How quick were that? 220 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:48,920 Forty-four, he could have gone faster. 221 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,240 The hare only does 50 on the track. 222 00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:53,600 You've got yourself a winner, there, Cardi. 223 00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:55,400 - Where's he gone? - What? 224 00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:58,080 He was just there, but he's dis… disappeared. 225 00:09:58,160 --> 00:10:00,456 - Vin, did you see where he went? - He can't have gone far. 226 00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:02,920 - Maybe he's gone for a poo. - Why would he hide? 227 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:04,920 Maybe he's shy for pooing, like Vinnie. 228 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:07,160 - Arson Fire! - [Vinnie] Arson Fire! 229 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:08,920 - Martin. - Arson Fire! 230 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:10,400 - Martin! - There he is. 231 00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:13,520 What's he got in his mouth? 232 00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:14,840 Shit. 233 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,320 Fuck! That's not good. 234 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:23,920 [Gary] Will you hurry up, you bellend? 235 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:25,800 - I need to bury this dickhead. - Who is it? 236 00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:29,080 - Fucking Sheila. - Aw. Poor Sheila, man. 237 00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:33,240 Oh, listen, I need a big favour. 238 00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:36,360 Oh, what now? It's always favours with you, isn't it. 239 00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:38,960 Never a social call, never, "Gary, do you fancy a beer 240 00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:40,560 or a nice chicken tikka masala?" 241 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,520 No, it's meet me in your hearse, clandestine, 242 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,040 like we're Cold War fucking spies. 243 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:45,840 I never said to meet in the fucking hearse. 244 00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:48,280 - It's my vehicle. - It's for funerals. 245 00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:50,920 I've been on holidays in this thing. What do you fucking want? 246 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:53,120 Here. Christ, you're bad tempered. 247 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:56,000 Prawn cocktail crisps. By the way, I heard Babs got married again. 248 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:57,800 She did, actually, nice do. 249 00:10:57,880 --> 00:11:01,080 - It's not prawn cocktail crisps, man. - Oh, what is it, then? 250 00:11:02,560 --> 00:11:03,720 It's a human foot. 251 00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:04,880 - Ah? - Yeah. 252 00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:06,040 I mean, we found it. 253 00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:08,280 Nothing to do with us, we found the fucking thing. 254 00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:10,600 - The dog found it, you know. - That's severed. 255 00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:14,520 Well, yeah, yeah, it's severed 'cause it'd have to be, wouldn't it, 256 00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:16,960 or it'd still be attached to his shagging leg, you pillock. 257 00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:19,560 I'm assuming it's a him. Is it a lad? 258 00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:20,840 Yeah, it's male, all right. 259 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:23,320 Oh. It's not fresh. 260 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:26,600 Oh. Nowhere near. It's barely decomposed, though. 261 00:11:26,680 --> 00:11:27,800 Where did you find it? 262 00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:29,760 Edge of one of Shirley's and Jim's fields. 263 00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:32,960 - Just in this rocky… wasteland. - Mmm. 264 00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:34,240 So, naturally, you thought, 265 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:36,720 who do I know that deals in dead bodies? Gary. 266 00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:38,160 I'll go and burden him with it. 267 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:42,280 Yeah. 'Cause you have a furnace. In fairness. [chuckles] 268 00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:43,880 - Furnace? - Yes. 269 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:45,440 Is that all I am to you? The fireman? 270 00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:46,760 That's what my mammy calls me. 271 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:49,400 They sing "burn, baby, burn" every time I go home for Christmas. 272 00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:51,520 Fine. If they're more interested in gin and tonics 273 00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:53,960 than their son's achievements, that's their prerogative. 274 00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:56,440 I don't need their fucking praise or affirmation, 275 00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:58,040 but just once in a while, 276 00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:00,120 tell me that I've done something good in me life. 277 00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:02,200 Say, "Congratulations Gary, you've done very well." 278 00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:03,440 Gary! Shut up. 279 00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:06,720 Fucking hell, shouting your head off, with your severed foot 280 00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:09,400 in a fucking prawn cocktail box, just chill. 281 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:11,040 Will you burn it for me, please? 282 00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:14,280 - Yes. - Sick. Thanks, man. 283 00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:17,280 Fuck off. Next time you call, you'd better not be asking for something. 284 00:12:17,560 --> 00:12:19,840 - Please may I have a lift... - Get the fuck out! 285 00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:23,800 - It's only ten minutes. - Remove your fucking body from the car! 286 00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:27,520 - I'm removing it. - No more favours, glow worm. 287 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:29,200 [bell rings] 288 00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:31,440 [Cardi] Dude, I'm worried about him. 289 00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:33,560 Don't… Listen. Don't be worrying about him. 290 00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:36,000 There's no pressure today. We're just giving him a run-off. 291 00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:37,920 - Gonna see how he gets on. - What we saying? 292 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:40,480 - Worth a flutter or what? - What did I just fucking say, then? 293 00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:42,440 We're giving him a run-off, seeing how he does. 294 00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:45,280 - Don't put any money on that dog. - He's a fucking dog, Vincent. 295 00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:47,320 He won't know if I'm making a bet or not, will he? 296 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:48,760 - I'm doing it. - Hang on. 297 00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:50,560 I went to the dogs lots when I was young. 298 00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:52,360 I'd always bet on the ones with funny names. 299 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:53,360 Oh, yeah. Like what? 300 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,960 Like, erm, Winnie the Pooch. [laughs] 301 00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:58,400 - Groucho Barks. - [chuckles] 302 00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:00,920 - Catherine Zeta-Bones. - Ah! Stop, stop, stop. 303 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:03,120 Cardi, why have you brought Nigel with you? 304 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:05,080 Because he's my l-lucky charm 305 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:07,640 and I don't want him getting jealous of M-Martin. 306 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:09,760 Welcome to my world. 307 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:11,680 - [bell rings] - [cheering] 308 00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:14,960 I hope this stupid dog wins. 309 00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:17,440 He didn't sleep a wink last night tossing and turning he was, 310 00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:19,360 had to give him hand relief to help him sleep. 311 00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:20,640 Just wanked the dog. 312 00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:22,240 [JJ] Outside lane… 313 00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:24,040 Hey, statistically, lane six is 314 00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:26,600 30% less likely to produce a winner than other lanes. 315 00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:28,200 You're honestly so clever, dude. 316 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:30,760 I mean, statistically, could you shut the fuck up? 317 00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:32,840 - There's a lot riding on this shit. - [bell rings] 318 00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:34,360 ["The Chain" playing] 319 00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:36,160 Here we go. Here we go. 320 00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:39,640 [music builds] 321 00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:43,160 [crowd cheering] 322 00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:49,320 [laughter] 323 00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:51,480 Oh, no, man. 324 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:54,640 Fucking hell! 325 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:57,080 I told him not feed it mackerel. 326 00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:01,320 [Cardi] I told you we shouldn't race him. 327 00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:03,240 He's too sensitive. 328 00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,240 I see a lot of myself inside this dog. 329 00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:06,840 [Tommo chuckles] Sorry. 330 00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:08,800 Chinese Dan said he made him a bloody fortune. 331 00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:12,120 All we have to do is figure out what's wrong with the poor thing. 332 00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:14,481 - Maybe he's got stage fright. - He's a fucking dog, Dill. 333 00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:16,920 He's not performing Hamlet at the fucking RSC. 334 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:17,920 Although, to be fair, 335 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,600 that is something I would definitely pay to watch, dog Hamlet. 336 00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:22,160 "Is this a dog bone I see before me?" 337 00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:24,480 - That's Macbeth. - Fuck off, Erin. 338 00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:27,720 Hamlet, Macbeth, it's all fucking unwatchable shite, in't it. 339 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,880 Look, I think we should just forget all about it, 340 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:32,760 Dan gave me the dog and I don't want him running. 341 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:35,280 Cardi, you're giving up at the first hurdle, man. 342 00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:37,480 Wait, I've got a thought. You know Wayne Carr. 343 00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:40,320 - It's pronounced "Wayneker." - I swear to fucking God. 344 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:43,480 He said make the hare out of Cardi's clothes 'cause he'll chase it. 345 00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:46,000 - He did. - Oh, you think… 346 00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:48,960 - He's running for Cardi? - Exactly! Worth investigating. 347 00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:51,840 He does smell fierce bad, to be fair. 348 00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:52,920 Fuck off! 349 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:54,760 Fucking hell, who invited the Kray twins? 350 00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:56,960 What are the MacDonaghs doing here? 351 00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:01,400 Barry, Davey, how's it going? 352 00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:02,520 Vincent. 353 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:04,400 Other people. 354 00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:06,800 You seem to be avoiding my calls. 355 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:08,600 No, fucking hell! 356 00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:13,160 Yeah, I've just been really busy, got into the, er, greyhound game. 357 00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:15,280 Bit of a fucking nightmare… 358 00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:17,720 [dog whimpers] 359 00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:19,360 [Davey] I used to have a dog once. 360 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:23,520 Lovely little thing it was, then one day it nipped at me. 361 00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:25,600 It never nipped at me again. 362 00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:28,720 - What, you give it away? - No, Barry killed it. 363 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:30,440 Oh, fucking hell. 364 00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:32,200 - What's its name? - Martin. 365 00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:33,600 - Arson Fire. - Martin! 366 00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:36,280 - It's not Martin, dude. - Eh? Martin? 367 00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:39,480 Sounds like the treasurer of a ramblers' association. 368 00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:42,920 We've still got to have our little chat, Vincent. 369 00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:45,240 Here's where I'd like you to come. 370 00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:46,840 Oi. 371 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,720 Tomorrow. 12:30. 372 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:52,240 Bring a towel. 373 00:15:57,680 --> 00:16:01,000 Oh, fuck! Fucking Shamrock Sauna. 374 00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:04,040 - Yeah, I know it well. I'll join you. - Absolutely not! 375 00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:06,040 - [door opens] - [Erin] Vin? 376 00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:07,720 - Yeah. - Vin. 377 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,520 Please tell me you're not getting involved with the MacDonaghs. 378 00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:12,880 I'm not getting involved with the MacDonaghs. Shit! 379 00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:15,120 Because that'd be really fucking stupid, wouldn't it? 380 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:16,280 You just get rid of McCann 381 00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:18,160 and then you get involved with them lunatics. 382 00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:19,800 I know, they're not as bad as McCann. 383 00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:21,640 - They are. - Barry's a fucking headcase. 384 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:24,440 But you can talk to Davey. I need to get me bloody weed back. 385 00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:26,200 Listen, honestly, 386 00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:28,040 I ain't getting involved. 387 00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:32,680 Towels off. 388 00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:37,800 As you wish. 389 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:40,560 - And those are? - It's my swimming trunks. 390 00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:43,160 I can see that, but why aren't you al fresco? 391 00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:45,160 That means outdoor dining. So… 392 00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:48,320 I've not done al fresco, 393 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:51,200 it's only I'm nervous about getting me hog out. 394 00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:53,600 I've never been to a meeting where everyone's… 395 00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:56,520 It's just fucking weird. 396 00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:59,840 Fine. To business. McCann's out of the picture. 397 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:03,520 Which means between us, we rule the area, agreed? 398 00:17:04,839 --> 00:17:07,800 So why fight when we can join forces and prosper? 399 00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:10,640 - Meaning? - Meaning… 400 00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:13,920 We will give you your weed back, every last leaf, 401 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:17,720 but then we share resources, share profits. 402 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:22,560 Okay. Thanks for inviting us down. 403 00:17:24,079 --> 00:17:26,560 The answer's a no. I'm really sorry. 404 00:17:28,119 --> 00:17:29,760 So, this is you now, is it? 405 00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:32,320 That ridiculous haircut, 406 00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:34,560 training hounds… 407 00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:37,680 We might win some money out of that little bugger just yet, you know. 408 00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:39,840 He might bring us a load of second-hand body parts. 409 00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:42,080 - Oi, oi. No. - What does that mean? 410 00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:44,480 He's just a fucking dope, ignore him. 411 00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:46,480 It's an in-house joke. Forget about it. 412 00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:48,480 I can't just forget about it. 413 00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:50,560 It's hanging there now, like half an anecdote. 414 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:56,480 All right, we were out on the field training the bloody dog. 415 00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:59,280 Lost it. Come back with a human foot. 416 00:17:59,360 --> 00:18:00,600 Human foot? 417 00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:03,960 - Where was this? - Hang on, hang on. 418 00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:06,200 - Do you know whose it is? - Where's this foot now? 419 00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:08,280 What the bloody hell have you two been up to? 420 00:18:08,360 --> 00:18:10,240 - Where is it? - I've got rid of it, it's gone. 421 00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:11,680 - Get it back. - What? 422 00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:14,200 We can't have that falling into the wrong hands, now, can we? 423 00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:16,120 No. 424 00:18:17,120 --> 00:18:19,880 Why is there a human foot in a field? 425 00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:23,000 - Long story, Vincent. - Mmm… 426 00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:24,480 Just get me that foot. 427 00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:27,520 When you bring it back, give me your answer on the deal. 428 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:31,280 No. I've… I've given you the answer. 429 00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:34,240 I've called it right now. I'm sorry, it's a no. 430 00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:35,800 Very flattered, though. 431 00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:39,880 Okey-dokey. 432 00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:48,360 - Oh, fucking, fucking hell. - What? 433 00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:51,840 You know what that means, don't you? When Davey says "okey-dokey". 434 00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:54,480 - No. - Ask Jackie-No-Nose, mate. 435 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,360 When Davey says okey-dokey, 436 00:18:57,440 --> 00:19:01,160 it means very much the fucking opposite. 437 00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:06,680 - Put your penis away, dude. - I won't. 438 00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:11,800 Look at it, Vincent. Look him in the eye. 439 00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:13,920 - Look. Hey, hey, you want… Hey! - [laughter] 440 00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:19,000 - [sighs] - [line rings] 441 00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:20,800 - What do you want? - Gary, Gary, love, 442 00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:23,200 tell me you've still got the foot. 443 00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:25,360 The one you asked me to destroy? 444 00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:28,200 - That's the one, yeah. - No, it's in my walk-in freezer. 445 00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:31,440 [sighs] Thank fuck for that. Listen, Gary, I'm gonna need that back. 446 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:33,520 What did I tell you last time we spoke? 447 00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:35,880 Not… not to ask for things. 448 00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:38,480 Exactly! You gave me the foot, it's mine. 449 00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:40,880 Fuck off, auf Wiedersehen, au revoir, Slán leat. 450 00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:42,280 Gary, just hang on a minute. 451 00:19:42,360 --> 00:19:45,000 You've got enough weird fucking body parts in your dungeon. 452 00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:48,120 Haven't you, eh? Now listen, I'm coming down for that bloody foot. 453 00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:50,640 Have it ready, I'll be down there as soon as I can. All right? 454 00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:51,600 Good luck with that 455 00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:53,760 'cause I'm off to a Satanic wedding in Cirencester. 456 00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:58,200 A Satanic… It's not a thing, that, you fucking… You fucker. 457 00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:06,280 [engine revs] 458 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:08,760 [rock music playing] 459 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,320 Shit! 460 00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:20,320 Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! 461 00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:21,800 [both scream excitedly] 462 00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:24,800 [Vinnie] Right, problem. So let's just assume 463 00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:26,720 that he'll only run for Cardi's scent, yeah? 464 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:29,680 We can't get him to win on the track, unless the rabbit being chased... 465 00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:30,840 Hare. 466 00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:32,640 Hare… is that rabbit there. 467 00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:36,120 Well, no, 'cause that's not gonna happen is it, they use a mechanical hare. 468 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:43,760 Unless we put my hare inside the mechanical hare. 469 00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:45,920 And how you gonna do that? 470 00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:49,360 Wayne Carr. 471 00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:51,640 The Wanker. 472 00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:55,720 - I'm not happy about this, Carol. - Oh, for God's sake, Cardi. 473 00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:59,320 - I'm doing this for your stupid dog. - Just listen to me for a second. 474 00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:01,760 It's posh, this race, you know, tomorrow. It's a big deal. 475 00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:04,840 All right, now if we can get your Martin to follow your fucking scent, 476 00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:07,560 we could be quids in. Christ on a bike. 477 00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:11,280 Listen, get Wayne pissed, and get them fucking keys. 478 00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:14,800 All right? If anything kicks off, text our Ashley, he'll be outside. 479 00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:16,240 Game ball. 480 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:23,520 Listen, you lot stay here, me and dickhead are gonna go and try 481 00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:26,160 and steal that foot from fucking Gary's, come on. 482 00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:28,120 - See you on the flip side. - Yeah. Good luck. 483 00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:31,040 - This fucking door does my head in. - Come on. 484 00:21:31,120 --> 00:21:33,400 ["Shots" playing] 485 00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:38,280 ♪ If you're tryin' to fuck Get your hands in the air ♪ 486 00:21:38,360 --> 00:21:40,560 - ♪ Now say, I'm fucked up ♪ - ♪ I'm fucked up ♪ 487 00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:42,520 - ♪ I'm fucked up ♪ - ♪ I'm fucked up ♪ 488 00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:44,640 - ♪ I'm tryin' to fuck ♪ - ♪ I'm tryin' to fuck ♪ 489 00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:46,640 - ♪ I'm tryin' to fuck ♪ - ♪ I'm tryin' to fuck ♪ 490 00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:48,400 - ♪ Shots… ♪ - [Jim groaning] 491 00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:57,920 - The fuck's that? - Oh, Christ, it's Jim. 492 00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:00,320 - What's he fucking doing? - Fuck off! 493 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:02,360 Smashed out of his head. 494 00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:05,560 Here, fuck off. Fuck off, you wankers. 495 00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:08,640 Jimbo. Put your starfish away, dude. 496 00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:11,000 - Vinnie? - Yes. 497 00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:12,440 - [laughs] - Get out the road. 498 00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:13,960 Tommo, fucking hell. 499 00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:17,280 Let us in, you cunts. 500 00:22:17,360 --> 00:22:20,560 - What you done to your fucking head? - I fell into the bushes. 501 00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:23,960 - How much you had to drink, you? - I'm celebrating. 502 00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:26,480 It's my birthday! 503 00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:27,960 - [laughs] - He's still alive. 504 00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:31,200 Happy birthday. You been out with mates then, or… 505 00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:33,720 No, on me own. 506 00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:35,120 Right. 507 00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:38,640 Where are you two going at this time of night, anyway? 508 00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:40,000 Well, as it happens, Jim, 509 00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:42,240 we are on our way to break into an undertaker's. 510 00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:45,800 Dickhead. Just fucking… What you tell him that for? 511 00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:49,200 - It's his fucking birthday, in't it. - What you nicking, a stiff? 512 00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:55,080 Shut up, you fucking wittering, old twat. 513 00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:57,040 Get in the fucking van. You're going home. 514 00:22:57,120 --> 00:23:00,720 - Hey. Hey. I could be your fucking… - No! You fucking knobhead. 515 00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:02,560 I can be your lookout. You need one. 516 00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:04,520 - You're going home. - You fucking know you do. 517 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:06,360 - It's a firm no! - [cries out] 518 00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:07,920 - [thuds] Ooh, ya… - [mouths] Fuck. 519 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:09,320 [Jim shouts] Go! Go! Go! 520 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:13,320 ["Got To Be Real" plays on stereo] 521 00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:24,880 - How's it going? Wayne, isn't it? - Mmm. 522 00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:27,440 D-Dog training woman? 523 00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:29,960 Carol. Fancy meeting you here. 524 00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:33,120 You, er, you on your own? 525 00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:36,960 Well, I was meant to be meeting me friend, but she hasn't arrived. 526 00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:39,440 Right. Right… 527 00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:42,120 Well, have a great night. 528 00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:44,720 You can, er, join me, if you like. 529 00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:46,360 Oh, I don't want to be any bother. 530 00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:47,520 You're no bother. 531 00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:50,680 Two more pints, please, mate. 532 00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:52,840 - You got a drink? - A white wine spritzer, please. 533 00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:55,160 - [growls] - Two pints, is it? 534 00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:56,800 Mmm. Big thirsty boy. 535 00:23:56,880 --> 00:24:00,920 Oh, no, they're not both for me. I'm with the wife. 536 00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:07,960 [tyres squeal] 537 00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:10,560 - [Jim] Oh, me fucking head! - Oi. Oi. Oi. Shut up! Listen. 538 00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:13,280 Stay there, sing yourself "Happy Birthday" or something. 539 00:24:13,360 --> 00:24:15,560 - We'll be in and out. - [Jim] I wanna come with you. 540 00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:16,760 - Why? - No. 541 00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:18,920 I wanna see a fucking dead body. 542 00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:20,720 Jesus fucking Christ, he's disgusting. 543 00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:23,280 I tell you what? Try this, look in the mirror. 544 00:24:23,360 --> 00:24:27,160 Shut your mouth, you fairy tale-looking cunt. 545 00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:28,560 Wow. 546 00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:31,000 You're old as fuck. 547 00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:33,600 I mean, surely you've already seen a dead body by now, man. 548 00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:36,960 Yeah, but only old ones. I wanna see a young one. 549 00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:40,920 That's a fucking weird thing to say, innit? 550 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:43,400 Oi, we're not here for fun. We're grabbing the object 551 00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:45,200 and then we're getting the fuck out of here. 552 00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:47,280 It's my birthday, Vin, 553 00:24:47,360 --> 00:24:50,160 and birthday boys always get what they ask for. 554 00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:53,120 [mocking noises] Father Pissmas, down here. 555 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:56,080 Get your shit together, so we can get the fuck in there. 556 00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:57,560 Oh, cheers. 557 00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:00,840 ["Baby Did a Bad, Bad Thing" playing] 558 00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:04,800 [music plays on stereo] 559 00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:07,080 It's a lot of hard work, in't it, you know what I mean? 560 00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:10,440 Constantly sort of having to upkeep the track and all that, 561 00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:13,760 making sure there's no… no lumps or bumps and that. 562 00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:16,640 Now the mechanical hare, I'd say that needs a lot of maintenance. 563 00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:18,000 - Mmm. - Don't get him started. 564 00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:19,360 He loves that hare. 565 00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:21,960 - I don't love it, Jackie. - You'd shag it if it wasn't illegal. 566 00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:24,160 - Mmm. - Er… Not sure it's illegal. 567 00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:27,960 I'm going for a piss. Mmm. 568 00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:31,480 [clattering] 569 00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:34,520 Here you are, Jimbo, perfect size for you, these. 570 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:36,840 Just think, you'll be in one of these soon, won't you? 571 00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:38,400 Fucking heart of an ox, me. 572 00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:40,720 I'll fucking outlive the fucking pair of you. 573 00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:44,120 If stinking of piss is a cure for old age, then you'll live forever, mate. 574 00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:46,320 Why don't you just fuck off! 575 00:25:47,360 --> 00:25:51,200 I can't help noticing the thing there, that verbally thing, the "mmm…". 576 00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:52,800 What the fuck is that, like? 577 00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:54,200 It's been going on for years. 578 00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:56,160 Drives me mad. 579 00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:58,520 He only does it when he's… 580 00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:01,600 - sexually nervous. - Sexually nervous? 581 00:26:01,680 --> 00:26:03,360 And, what, is he sexually nervous now? 582 00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:04,600 - Yes. - Why? 583 00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:06,360 - Because of you. - Because of me? 584 00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:08,280 Hmm. 585 00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:11,280 He keeps asking me to have a threesome, Carol. 586 00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:13,720 But I don't want to. 587 00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:17,240 I just want us to be happy again. 588 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:20,320 Like we used to be. 589 00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:26,520 And you will be, Jackie, you will be. 590 00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:30,440 [Jim] For fuck sake, where's he keep the fucking stiffs? 591 00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:34,280 [Vinnie] They'll be on the floor, behind the bins, you great fucking lemon. 592 00:26:34,360 --> 00:26:36,080 Where'd you think he keeps them, dude? 593 00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:37,960 They'll be in a big freezer or some… 594 00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:40,120 They'll be in a freezer or something like that. 595 00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:41,760 Oh, buzzing. 596 00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:44,760 [laughter] Ey-oh! 597 00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:45,960 Ahh! 598 00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:48,160 That is a fridge. 599 00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:55,040 Sex-u-al. Ooh. 600 00:26:55,120 --> 00:26:57,000 You start on that side. 601 00:26:57,080 --> 00:26:58,520 I wanna start on this side. 602 00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:01,560 Jimbo, stand there, try not to be a pissed-up cunt. 603 00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:02,760 Keep your eye out. 604 00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:04,560 Looking for the foot. Severed foot, guys. 605 00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:06,400 Oh, dude! Found it. 606 00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:08,160 Hey! [laughs] 607 00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:11,000 High-five it. Whoo… 608 00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:13,320 - Hey, fucking Vin. - [door hisses closed] 609 00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:18,160 Fuck. Tell me that door opens from the inside, Jimbo. 610 00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:20,200 Course it fucking opens. 611 00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:22,320 It's a fucking door. 612 00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:26,560 [Vinnie] Oh, fuck me, dude. 613 00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:29,120 - Shit. - Fucking dickhead. 614 00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:32,680 [all cursing] 615 00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:34,760 [muffled banging] 616 00:27:36,360 --> 00:27:38,240 Did… did you get the keys? 617 00:27:38,320 --> 00:27:39,960 - Not yet. - What's taking so long? 618 00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:42,760 He's with his wife, and she's lovely, and we're going to help her. 619 00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:44,120 What? How? 620 00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:46,360 - Has Tommo still got Alison? - Alison? 621 00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:49,600 Ah, fucking gorgeous. 622 00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:52,400 Listen, we need to accept our situation here. 623 00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:55,280 Trapped in an undertaker's freezer. 624 00:27:55,360 --> 00:27:58,120 - Correct. - And no fucker knows we're here, either. 625 00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:02,960 All right, so we just don't panic. There's no need for it. 626 00:28:03,040 --> 00:28:05,320 We're gonna get out. Come here. Get your hand in there. 627 00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:08,600 - No… - [all] Panic! 628 00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:11,320 - Yes. - [nervous laughter] 629 00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:13,920 - Yeah! - Yeah, man, we're professionals. 630 00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:16,360 Yes. 631 00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:19,160 [all scream and yell] 632 00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:20,960 [knocking] 633 00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:25,760 Welcome, welcome, to my mobile erotic parlour. Please. 634 00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:27,440 This is perfect, Carol. 635 00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:29,240 May I take your coats? 636 00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:32,000 - Mmm… - Say hello to my little friend. 637 00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:35,240 She comes with a built-in, pulsating vagina. 638 00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:37,520 - Mmm… - [Carol] And she loves making new friends. 639 00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:41,440 Please, enjoy a complimentary glass of drink 640 00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:43,640 while we'll get on the road. 641 00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:46,680 She won't bite. Not yet. 642 00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:47,960 Mmm… 643 00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:52,240 - [soft music plays on stereo] - [engine starts] 644 00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:53,640 Ooh… 645 00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:56,520 Fuck me, this is it, then, innit? [sighs] 646 00:28:56,600 --> 00:28:59,520 We're all gonna die in a great big fucking freezer. 647 00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:02,960 God, there was so much I didn't get done, dude. 648 00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:04,800 Like what? 649 00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:06,280 Bukkake. 650 00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:10,160 Bukkake? What the fuck is wrong with you, eh? 651 00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:13,200 Here we're all faced death and all you can think is… 652 00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:16,240 fucking Japanese sex, jizz porn. 653 00:29:16,320 --> 00:29:18,720 I once coloured in a world map, 654 00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:23,320 red for every country I'd made love to a woman from. 655 00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:24,800 How red did you get it then? 656 00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:26,280 England. 657 00:29:27,680 --> 00:29:28,680 Er… 658 00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:33,200 Jersey. There's another one, and… 659 00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:35,840 Isle of Man. 660 00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:38,320 Damn near took over, didn't you? 661 00:29:39,240 --> 00:29:42,440 Why you even sharing a story like that at a time like this, Jimbo? 662 00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:45,360 Because if I'd known I was gonna die in a fucking freezer, 663 00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:47,680 I might have fucking broadened my hunt. 664 00:29:47,760 --> 00:29:48,800 To fucking where? 665 00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:53,440 I don't know… but I'm not into hairy armpits, Vin. 666 00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:56,480 Or them lot that wax their bush. 667 00:29:56,560 --> 00:29:58,960 I mean even a fucking landing strip's fine, but... 668 00:29:59,040 --> 00:30:00,160 Honest to God. 669 00:30:00,240 --> 00:30:02,480 Nobody wants to be met by a smooth, shiny minge. 670 00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:04,480 Stop talking about shiny minges 671 00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:08,000 and fucking world maps that you've come on. God's sake. 672 00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:10,760 You know, we're fucking trapped in a shagging freezer, lads. 673 00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:12,960 This is really fucking serious. We could die. 674 00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:20,160 ["Push It" playing] 675 00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:23,680 Dude, what if it don't work out and she's got to go through 676 00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:26,080 with some degrading sex act or something? 677 00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:28,920 At least you've got Martin. 678 00:30:30,280 --> 00:30:31,480 The dog? 679 00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:35,600 - That's my fucking wife, man. - Yeah, I know. 680 00:30:37,280 --> 00:30:39,080 Are we having this threesome or what? 681 00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:41,920 [in mock foreign accent] All the way, baby. Sexy dolly. 682 00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:43,760 Hey, you ever have a sexy dolly before? 683 00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:47,640 You can do anything to me, you and your wife. 684 00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:50,640 You want to touch my breast? Give me a little kiss. 685 00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:53,840 - [grunting] - Give me a little kiss. 686 00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:57,120 [groaning] 687 00:31:01,680 --> 00:31:03,280 [keys jangle] 688 00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:09,760 I've thought of dying more than anyone I fucking know. Honestly. 689 00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:13,680 I just didn't think it'd be like this. 690 00:31:13,760 --> 00:31:16,160 Trapped in an industrial freezer. 691 00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:18,200 How did you think it'd happen? 692 00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:21,240 Horseback. 693 00:31:21,320 --> 00:31:25,160 [laughs] Fucking horseback. Fucking Robin of Loxley over here. 694 00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:28,880 At least you're not dying on your fucking birthday. 695 00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:31,120 You're not dying on your fucking birthday either. 696 00:31:31,200 --> 00:31:33,920 Stupid old cunt. You're not gonna die before 12 o'clock, are you? 697 00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:36,440 All right, the fucking day after my birthday, then. 698 00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:38,720 What fucking difference would it make? 699 00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:41,480 You'll be dead, won't you, you thick cunt, so it won't matter. 700 00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:44,440 I mean, it could be Christmas, birthday, Shrove shagging Tuesday. 701 00:31:44,520 --> 00:31:45,600 That's when Jesus died. 702 00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:47,080 No, that was fucking Good Friday. 703 00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:49,360 Weren't a very fucking Good Friday for Jesus, were it? 704 00:31:49,440 --> 00:31:52,880 Shut the fuck up about Jesus' brilliant Friday. 705 00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:55,560 We are completely fucking stuck. 706 00:31:55,640 --> 00:31:58,280 That's what Jesus said up on that cross 707 00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:01,080 and it all turned out all right for him. 708 00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:05,880 ["Chapter Three" playing] 709 00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:13,360 Go on, Jackie, kiss her, Jackie. 710 00:32:15,760 --> 00:32:17,760 Jesus Christ. 711 00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:24,816 - Did you get the keys? - Course I've got the fucking keys! 712 00:32:24,840 --> 00:32:27,440 - [Sugar] Can we just go, please? - [JJ] Will you fucking come on! 713 00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:32,320 Come on. 714 00:32:33,080 --> 00:32:35,880 Useless fucking… Run out of gas. 715 00:32:35,960 --> 00:32:37,560 - Fuck! - Fucking hell! 716 00:32:37,640 --> 00:32:40,720 Whoo, fuck me. It's getting cold now, innit. 717 00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:45,080 [pants] Shall we snuggle together, for body warmth? 718 00:32:46,040 --> 00:32:48,000 Don't be fucking weird, dude, give over. 719 00:32:48,080 --> 00:32:53,320 Survival technique. SAS. It's not a gay thing. 720 00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:56,960 Why would human beings huddling for warmth be a gay thing? 721 00:32:57,040 --> 00:33:00,800 I'm not homophobic. You're putting words in my mouth. 722 00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:03,440 Not putting anything in your mouth, nor would I, thank you. 723 00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:06,160 - Why? - Because you're not an attractive man. 724 00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:09,240 You're not, Jim. You're fucking gross, dude. 725 00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:13,440 Fine. Me and him'll snuggle, 726 00:33:13,520 --> 00:33:16,600 and you can freeze to fucking death over there in woke corner. 727 00:33:17,440 --> 00:33:20,000 We need to get our clothes off, not boxers, 728 00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:22,320 and then hug together, 729 00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:25,200 and wrap whatever clothes and shit we've got around us, 730 00:33:25,280 --> 00:33:28,440 so we're like a fucking heat sandwich, right? 731 00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:33,080 Thomas, get your fucking gear off. You'll never survive on your own. 732 00:33:33,160 --> 00:33:36,840 I'm being a slice of the bread. I'm not being the fucking filling. 733 00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:38,400 - [dogs barking] - [Ash] Right. 734 00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:39,960 This is it. The groundman's hut. 735 00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:43,080 [Dylan] Right, fucking keys. The keys. Who's got the keys? 736 00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:44,600 Give me the fucking keys. 737 00:33:45,320 --> 00:33:47,120 Spread out, we need to find these hares. 738 00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:48,520 - [door slams] - Shh, Cardi! 739 00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:50,720 Right, this is what we're after here, lads. 740 00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:52,440 Bollocks, there's five of the fuckers. 741 00:33:52,520 --> 00:33:54,880 Oh, no, no, no. I'm not tearing it into quarters. 742 00:33:54,960 --> 00:33:56,080 Fifths. 743 00:33:56,160 --> 00:33:58,840 If we stuff the wrong hare, Arson Fire won't chase it. 744 00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:00,760 There's only one thing for it, dude. Strip. 745 00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:03,640 - What? - Strip, T-shirt, socks, undies. Come on. 746 00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:05,080 [Ash] Fuck, Cardi always stinks. 747 00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:08,760 - Clothes off. - All right. I'm not taking my undies off. 748 00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:10,280 We need your smell, Cardi, 749 00:34:10,360 --> 00:34:13,120 and there's no greater Cardi scent than them skiddy undies. 750 00:34:13,199 --> 00:34:15,840 - All right, fucking turn round, then. - I'm watching this. 751 00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:17,960 - Turn around. - Come on. 752 00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:19,480 Cardi… 753 00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:21,719 - [sniggering] - I can't fucking… Ah! 754 00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:23,199 [glasses clatter] 755 00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:31,400 So, it turns out you can fit three men in a body bag. 756 00:34:33,719 --> 00:34:36,920 - [farts] - Oh, you fucker. Jimbo, dude. 757 00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:39,639 Oh… Sorry, lads, it's the beer. 758 00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:42,520 Oh. Oh, fuck me, dude. 759 00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:46,239 Surely they'll realise we're gone and they'll come looking for us. 760 00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:48,320 I mean, they knew where we were going, didn't they? 761 00:34:48,400 --> 00:34:51,080 Surely, surely, it's only a matter of time. 762 00:34:51,159 --> 00:34:53,159 - Yeah, man. - Yeah. 763 00:34:53,239 --> 00:34:55,679 It's only a matter of time. 764 00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:59,120 ["Cold, Cold Ground" playing] 765 00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:03,520 ♪ Cold, cold ground ♪ 766 00:35:05,320 --> 00:35:07,320 ["I Love My Dog" playing] 767 00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:13,000 Come, on you. You're getting in here. 768 00:35:15,600 --> 00:35:17,600 Right. Up you get, mate. 769 00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:19,200 Come on. We're off to find Vinnie. 770 00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:21,280 It's not like him to not pick up his calls. 771 00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:22,920 I'll be back in a sec, right? 772 00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:28,600 Carol, I'm… I'm taking Martin to go find Vin! 773 00:35:28,680 --> 00:35:31,080 ♪ So I love my dog ♪ 774 00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:34,040 ♪ As much as I love you… ♪ 775 00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:39,000 Martin? 776 00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:41,400 Martin? 777 00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:43,680 Oh, for fuck's sake. 778 00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:45,000 Martin? 779 00:35:45,520 --> 00:35:46,920 Carol! 780 00:35:47,000 --> 00:35:48,680 [Jim groans loudly] 781 00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:51,520 [groaning continues] 782 00:35:54,400 --> 00:35:56,080 Ey, I tell you what, 783 00:35:56,160 --> 00:35:58,880 that's the best night's fucking kip I've had for ages. 784 00:35:58,960 --> 00:36:00,600 How can that even be, dude? 785 00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:03,760 Fucking silence. I was dead to the world. 786 00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:05,080 I know, we heard you. 787 00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:08,520 Snoring on you, it's like sleeping next to a fucking hog. 788 00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:10,640 Listen, main thing is, we're all still alive. 789 00:36:10,720 --> 00:36:12,080 Now, listen, listen. 790 00:36:12,160 --> 00:36:13,720 I've come up with a bit of a plan. 791 00:36:13,800 --> 00:36:16,280 - You see the vent behind us? Just there. - Yeah… 792 00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:17,880 We can pull the door of that vent. 793 00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:21,240 I reckon if one of us can shimmy through, get a bit of phone reception. 794 00:36:21,720 --> 00:36:23,600 - Get hold of someone, you know. - Brilliant. 795 00:36:23,680 --> 00:36:25,520 That is actually a very good idea, 796 00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:28,960 but I'm gonna say this, right, I'm extremely claustrophobic. 797 00:36:29,040 --> 00:36:31,560 - Yeah, I've got bad knees. - Dude, you can fuck off! 798 00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:33,000 It's always me that has to do 799 00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:35,440 the terrible fucking job that nobody wants to do. 800 00:36:35,520 --> 00:36:38,800 None of us wanna go through a freezing fucking steel vent. 801 00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:41,800 But someone's gonna have to, man, you know. 802 00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:44,480 [car horn honks] 803 00:36:46,080 --> 00:36:48,360 - Vin! - Vinnie! Vinnie! 804 00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:49,960 - Vin! - Vinnie! 805 00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:51,960 - He's not here. - Ah. He must be. 806 00:36:52,040 --> 00:36:53,840 Fuck it. He's not, call Erin! 807 00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:57,120 - [phone ringing] - Hello. 808 00:36:57,200 --> 00:37:00,400 - Erin, have you seen Vinnie? - Not since yesterday, no, why? 809 00:37:00,480 --> 00:37:03,600 We're outside the shack, he's not answering, nor the phone either, 810 00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:05,680 and we're after losing the fucking dog. 811 00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:07,720 Has he still got that friend finder on his phone? 812 00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:09,160 Friend finder, what's that? 813 00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:10,920 Right, where are you? 814 00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,080 How are we deciding who goes up? 815 00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:15,560 What about this then? Ip dip. 816 00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:17,720 - Fucking Ip dip? - Ip dip, mate. 817 00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:19,600 Ip dip, sky blue, granny sitting on the loo, 818 00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:21,160 playing darts, 3 farts, out goes you! 819 00:37:21,240 --> 00:37:22,800 That's not how it goes. 820 00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:27,320 It's ip dip doo, doggy done a poo, went to the cinema at half past two. 821 00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:31,440 When the film started, everyone farted, out goes you. 822 00:37:31,520 --> 00:37:33,480 There's a cat, dude. There's a cat that had flu... 823 00:37:33,560 --> 00:37:35,960 - There's no fucking cat. - There's a cat that got flu! 824 00:37:36,080 --> 00:37:37,760 And a dog that got chickenpox! 825 00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:39,000 Cats don't get flu, do they? 826 00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:41,160 Dogs don't go to the fucking cinema, Tommy. 827 00:37:41,240 --> 00:37:43,400 - Know what I mean? - Maybe it was the cat that farted. 828 00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:46,000 No, no, Granny farted, didn't she? When she was on the loo. 829 00:37:46,080 --> 00:37:46,920 Why would she be… 830 00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:49,720 Why would there be an old woman farting on the loo playing darts? 831 00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:51,480 Are we gonna play the game or what? 832 00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:52,880 - Yes. - [Jim] Yeah. 833 00:37:52,960 --> 00:37:53,960 Right. 834 00:37:55,440 --> 00:37:56,440 Whose version? 835 00:38:02,120 --> 00:38:03,280 This is fucking weird. 836 00:38:03,360 --> 00:38:05,760 Come on. We're wasting time, I'm never gonna get Martin back! 837 00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:09,080 Cardi, you have lost a dog and one of your best friends, 838 00:38:09,160 --> 00:38:10,320 now, what is more important? 839 00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:12,600 Right, the app said they were here last night, 840 00:38:12,680 --> 00:38:14,160 so maybe they're still in there. 841 00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:16,840 Why would they still be in a funeral parlour the next morning? 842 00:38:16,960 --> 00:38:17,960 Unless… 843 00:38:18,280 --> 00:38:21,120 Gary's caught them… and killed them. 844 00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:24,160 - Now they're lying in coffins. - [eerie music playing] 845 00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:27,200 Well, it's not going to be that, is it, Cardi? 846 00:38:27,280 --> 00:38:28,600 No, probably not. 847 00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:30,560 [groaning] 848 00:38:30,640 --> 00:38:33,080 - Oh, it's cold. - [Vinnie] Can you see owt? 849 00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:35,560 Can't go that way. Reverse. Other way. 850 00:38:35,640 --> 00:38:37,800 - [muffled grunting] - Right… 851 00:38:37,880 --> 00:38:41,320 Pass me, pass me your phone. Got it, yep, yep. [yelps] 852 00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:43,400 - [Vinnie] Hurry up, dude! - [groans] 853 00:38:44,360 --> 00:38:45,760 - Ah… - [clattering] 854 00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:47,760 - What were that? - [phone rings] 855 00:38:47,840 --> 00:38:50,480 - Oh… - Answer it then, dickhead. 856 00:38:50,560 --> 00:38:51,880 [grunts] 857 00:38:51,960 --> 00:38:52,960 [line rings] 858 00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:55,360 Vinnie's phone's ringing, but he's not picking up. 859 00:38:55,440 --> 00:38:56,800 [Cardi] This door's been jimmied. 860 00:38:56,880 --> 00:38:59,680 ["The Hardest Button to Button" playing] 861 00:39:01,760 --> 00:39:03,000 Right, come on. 862 00:39:04,720 --> 00:39:06,880 [Vinnie] Come here, you fucking borrower. 863 00:39:06,960 --> 00:39:08,760 [groaning] 864 00:39:09,680 --> 00:39:11,600 Get out the way. 865 00:39:11,680 --> 00:39:14,120 - Go on, go on. - [grunts] 866 00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:18,640 Fuck's sake. I'm asking for two inches. 867 00:39:18,720 --> 00:39:20,360 As the actress said to the bishop. 868 00:39:20,440 --> 00:39:22,040 No, no. Honestly, dude. 869 00:39:22,120 --> 00:39:24,640 Is this the time for a lame penis joke? 870 00:39:24,720 --> 00:39:26,600 No, it isn't. No. Go on. 871 00:39:26,680 --> 00:39:27,680 [Erin] Vin? 872 00:39:28,240 --> 00:39:29,800 - Vinnie! - Vin? 873 00:39:29,880 --> 00:39:31,240 Tommo? 874 00:39:31,320 --> 00:39:32,840 Oh. Fucking signal. 875 00:39:33,720 --> 00:39:35,560 - Vinnie? - Vin? 876 00:39:35,640 --> 00:39:37,040 [Cardi] Vinnie? 877 00:39:37,120 --> 00:39:38,560 Tommo? 878 00:39:38,640 --> 00:39:40,200 [Carol] Vinnie? 879 00:39:40,280 --> 00:39:42,360 Oh, well, they're definitely not in here. 880 00:39:43,040 --> 00:39:45,600 - [groaning] - Nearly there. 881 00:39:48,400 --> 00:39:49,640 Nearly got it, dude. 882 00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:53,080 Got it. 883 00:39:53,160 --> 00:39:55,200 - [phone dings] - Bollocks, dude, it was, Erin. 884 00:39:55,280 --> 00:39:58,720 - [phone rings] - No, no, no, no. Fuck! 885 00:39:58,800 --> 00:40:00,320 What? 886 00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:03,440 - Hello? - Hello, Vincent. 887 00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:06,880 Are you all right, Davey, love. Dude, I am in a terrible jam. 888 00:40:06,960 --> 00:40:08,680 I'm gonna have to bell you back. 889 00:40:09,760 --> 00:40:12,720 - You fucking hung up on him. - Well, yeah. It were Davey MacDonagh. 890 00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:14,240 What the fuck are you playing at? 891 00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:16,200 That could've been our one chance to get out! 892 00:40:16,280 --> 00:40:18,040 He's not gonna come down here and help. 893 00:40:18,120 --> 00:40:20,320 He'd be fucking made up we were stuck in here. 894 00:40:20,400 --> 00:40:21,760 - Twit. - I'm gonna ring Erin. 895 00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:24,640 I've gotta do that stupid dog race thing yet, you know. 896 00:40:24,720 --> 00:40:26,960 - All right, well, go on, then. - [line rings] 897 00:40:27,040 --> 00:40:28,520 It's ringing! It's fucking ringing! 898 00:40:28,600 --> 00:40:30,680 - Hey, hey! - Good. Good. Good. 899 00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:33,400 [phone rings] 900 00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:35,200 Vin, where are you? 901 00:40:39,680 --> 00:40:40,680 Vin! 902 00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:43,640 - [hesitating] Dog race. - He's gone, Vin, he's gone. 903 00:40:43,720 --> 00:40:45,800 The dog, he were in the back of the van and now... 904 00:40:45,880 --> 00:40:47,760 Get the dog! We've got to get the dog. 905 00:40:47,840 --> 00:40:50,480 Pissing dogs run off. What about us? I am fucking freezing. 906 00:40:50,560 --> 00:40:52,640 - He's been stolen. - He might not have been stolen. 907 00:40:52,720 --> 00:40:55,520 - He has been stolen. - Oh, my God. Dude, he's been stolen! 908 00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:56,840 He's been fucking stolen. 909 00:40:56,920 --> 00:40:59,960 It's the fucking MacDonaghs. Erin, Erin, Carol. Warm up the lads. 910 00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:02,040 Make sure Jim's all right. I think he's gonna die. 911 00:41:02,120 --> 00:41:05,320 Right, Jim, you're with me. Tommo, get in. 912 00:41:05,400 --> 00:41:07,960 [tense rock music playing] 913 00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:17,960 Right. Fuckers. Right, you just… You stay here. 914 00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:21,160 Dude, if they have got Martin in there, I am fucking coming in. 915 00:41:21,240 --> 00:41:22,720 [Vinnie] Got bog roll on me boot! 916 00:41:22,800 --> 00:41:24,120 Where the fuck is he now? 917 00:41:25,280 --> 00:41:28,120 Hello, Vincent. Vincent's friend. 918 00:41:28,200 --> 00:41:31,160 Fuck's sake. Fucking red hot in here. 919 00:41:31,240 --> 00:41:33,760 - Where's the dog? - Have a seat. 920 00:41:33,840 --> 00:41:37,080 I don't want a seat. I want the dog you stole! 921 00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:40,560 Did you have chance to think about my generous offer? 922 00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:42,720 Yeah, I did. But I can't, man. 923 00:41:42,800 --> 00:41:45,520 I can't go in to another partnership. I'm sorry, it's a fucking no! 924 00:41:48,800 --> 00:41:51,280 - Barry. - [door opens] 925 00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:55,600 - Oh, Martin! - Ah-ah. 926 00:41:56,920 --> 00:41:59,120 Lovely creatures, aren't they, dogs. 927 00:41:59,200 --> 00:42:02,120 But they have a very different system to ours. 928 00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:07,200 They have trouble regulating their own… temperature. 929 00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:09,160 Which is why they pant a lot. 930 00:42:09,240 --> 00:42:10,920 [ominous music playing] 931 00:42:12,560 --> 00:42:13,960 Final chance, Vincent. 932 00:42:15,640 --> 00:42:18,920 It's a fucking no! No! 933 00:42:27,640 --> 00:42:31,040 Dude, what the fuck you doing? 934 00:42:31,120 --> 00:42:33,360 [dog whimpers] 935 00:42:33,440 --> 00:42:37,240 You're not this fucking guy, are you? Ey? Is this you? 936 00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:39,560 All you have to do is say is yes, Vincent, 937 00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:42,520 and then we will have a lovely business arrangement. 938 00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:44,480 - Vin, Vin, please, man. Please. - Shit! 939 00:42:44,560 --> 00:42:46,280 One word, three letters. 940 00:42:47,240 --> 00:42:49,480 Vin, please, he's gonna fucking die in there, man. 941 00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:53,080 Davey, don't do this, man. It's just a fucking stunt. 942 00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:55,760 - It's a stunt, innit? Come on. - You know what I want, Vincent. 943 00:42:55,840 --> 00:42:58,160 Yeah, but this isn't the way to get it, Davey. 944 00:42:58,240 --> 00:42:59,880 Let the fucking dog out now! 945 00:42:59,960 --> 00:43:02,240 Please, Mr MacDonagh. Please, let the dog out. 946 00:43:03,040 --> 00:43:04,520 Open the door. 947 00:43:05,320 --> 00:43:07,040 Open the fucking door! 948 00:43:07,120 --> 00:43:09,120 [mocking] 949 00:43:10,040 --> 00:43:12,880 Vinnie, he's gonna fucking die in there, please, man. 950 00:43:14,560 --> 00:43:16,800 Shit! Erm… 951 00:43:16,880 --> 00:43:18,520 Fuck it, then. I'll do it. I'll do it! 952 00:43:18,600 --> 00:43:20,480 I'll go into partnership with you. I'll do it. 953 00:43:20,560 --> 00:43:23,200 Just whatever. Let the fucking dog out, you psycho. 954 00:43:24,120 --> 00:43:26,480 - So macho. - Just let the dog out. 955 00:43:29,480 --> 00:43:31,040 Give them the dog back, Barry. 956 00:43:31,120 --> 00:43:32,400 It's all right. It's all right. 957 00:43:32,480 --> 00:43:34,400 - Come on, man, come on. - Barry. 958 00:43:36,600 --> 00:43:38,160 - Barry! - [dog whimpers] 959 00:43:40,160 --> 00:43:42,120 Hello, Martin. Come on, love. 960 00:43:42,200 --> 00:43:44,200 - [whimpers] - There's your foot. 961 00:43:48,160 --> 00:43:49,400 Thank you, Vincent. 962 00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:53,200 Come on, Cardi, love. 963 00:43:55,880 --> 00:43:58,680 It's all right, Martin. Let's get you to the racetrack. 964 00:44:00,520 --> 00:44:03,080 Get back in your box, twinkletoes. 965 00:44:03,160 --> 00:44:05,160 - [bell rings] - [machine whirrs] 966 00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:10,080 - [cheering and applause] - [dogs barking] 967 00:44:10,160 --> 00:44:11,920 [muffled announcements over PA] 968 00:44:13,760 --> 00:44:15,800 ["Dog Days Are Over" playing] 969 00:44:22,560 --> 00:44:24,560 Go on, lad, here we go. 970 00:44:25,920 --> 00:44:29,000 - Go on, Cardi. - [Erin] Go on, Cardi. 971 00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:31,800 Let's hope he's been for a shit already this time. Go on, Cardi. 972 00:44:33,600 --> 00:44:36,160 ♪ The dog days are over ♪ 973 00:44:36,240 --> 00:44:37,840 ♪ The dog days are gone… ♪ 974 00:44:37,920 --> 00:44:41,280 - Here's to your community centre. - And a life free of fear. 975 00:44:43,280 --> 00:44:45,400 - [bell rings] - Here we go! Come on, lad… 976 00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:50,640 Here it comes. Here it comes. Come on, mate. 977 00:44:53,680 --> 00:44:55,520 [all screaming] 978 00:44:58,640 --> 00:45:00,600 Come on, mate. 979 00:45:00,680 --> 00:45:01,920 Come on, Martin. 980 00:45:02,920 --> 00:45:05,160 Go on! Fuck me… 981 00:45:10,720 --> 00:45:12,400 Come on, Martin. 982 00:45:13,480 --> 00:45:15,600 Yes, yes! 983 00:45:24,920 --> 00:45:26,920 [all cheering] 984 00:45:27,000 --> 00:45:29,040 Yes, you fucking did it! 985 00:45:29,120 --> 00:45:31,680 [cheering and applause] 986 00:45:39,200 --> 00:45:41,560 ["Woncha Come On Home" playing] 987 00:45:41,640 --> 00:45:44,640 ♪ Every light is on but all the rooms ♪ 988 00:45:44,720 --> 00:45:47,840 ♪ Are empty except one ♪ 989 00:45:50,160 --> 00:45:53,120 ♪ Oh, baby, don't stay too late ♪ 990 00:45:54,760 --> 00:45:57,520 - We all ready to go camping? - I'd rather get a UTI. 991 00:45:57,600 --> 00:45:59,840 At least one of us is prepared for the wilderness. 992 00:45:59,920 --> 00:46:02,200 - [thunderous rumbling] - Dylan on drugs. 993 00:46:02,280 --> 00:46:03,720 Classic horror film mistake, that. 994 00:46:03,800 --> 00:46:04,960 It's cursed. 995 00:46:07,640 --> 00:46:09,160 I've seen things. 996 00:46:09,240 --> 00:46:11,640 - I'm fucking shitting myself? - [farts] Ah… 997 00:46:11,720 --> 00:46:14,200 - Don't move! - We're all gonna fucking die here. 998 00:46:14,280 --> 00:46:15,680 Jesus Christ. Help us! 999 00:46:15,760 --> 00:46:19,200 ♪ I've got so much trouble in my mind ♪ 1000 00:46:20,320 --> 00:46:23,280 ♪ I've got so much trouble in my mind ♪ 1001 00:46:24,520 --> 00:46:27,640 ♪ I've got so much trouble in my mind ♪ 1002 00:46:28,600 --> 00:46:31,520 ♪ I've got so much trouble in my mind ♪ 1003 00:46:33,080 --> 00:46:36,360 ♪ Give me the strength to carry on ♪ 1004 00:46:37,280 --> 00:46:39,440 ♪ Give me the strength to carry on ♪ 1005 00:46:41,280 --> 00:46:44,200 ♪ 'Cause everything I've got Is just about gone ♪